Soundproof
by Tsunami-dono
Summary: No one can truly be emotionless. They have to let go somewhere; somehow. Right? Raven's room is where she goes, but can she stay there forever?...
1. Walls

Disclaimer ~ I do NOT own the Teen Titans. Simple as that. If I did, I couldn't really be called a 'fan', I'd be called a 'owner', you know?  
  
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Chapter 1 - Walls  
  
I knelt in my room, panting steadily. Stains had fallen upon my perfectly white pillow, giving it a dirty, horrible appearance. I stood up clumsily, bringing my hood over my head, it's shadow protecting my reputation as 'the emotionless girl'. Although, that reputation hardly is me.  
  
I walked into the kitchen, and started to boil some water for my tea. Their eyes, I could feel, were boring into my back. They were probably waiting for me to say something to them. Oh, what the heck. Might as well humor them.  
  
"Good morning everyone," I mumbled, taking my tea to sit down.  
  
"Good morning Raven! Did you sleep well?" asked Starfire, cocking her head to the side.  
  
"Um...sure," I said. I didn't really want to lie. Of course, saying 'sure' isn't truly lying: it's giving them an answer.  
  
"Whaddya mean, 'sure'?" asked Beast Boy. Apparently, he could see right through my plan.  
  
Cyborg groaned. "Yo, BB, maybe she just doesn't wanna talk right now. I mean, she just got up."  
  
Thank you Cyborg.  
  
"Well...she doesn't always have to be so secretive about everything!" Beast Boy retorted.  
  
"Maybe to you...but have you ever thought that I might just have a good reason?" I tried to pull my hood up more, vainly keeping what was under it away.  
  
I hastily walked past them, trying to end the conversation as soon as possible. They have no reason to be worrying about me. ME of all people that could be wasting their breath. And who does Beast Boy think he is? Mouthing off at me, not thinking about anything but himself. If he was so concerned about how I slept, he should have just buzzed off!  
  
I stopped suddenly, letting a deep growl come from my throat. Through leaving the kitchen to escape their retched conversation, I'd forgotten my tea! I can't very well go back for it though, can I? I cannot do that to my pride. But oh how I need my tea right now!  
  
"Hey! Raven!" Oh great, here he comes. "You forgot your tea!"  
  
Beast Boy came running towards me, my tea held in his hands. I could have almost kissed him for bringing it to me...yeah...right! Even if he DID bring the one thing that I needed most, I would never do THAT.  
  
"Thanks...," I said blandly, turning to go into my room.  
  
Beast Boy put his hand on my shoulder. "Wait. I just wanna say that..."  
  
"You're sorry?" I finished for him.  
  
Beast Boy turned his back to me and lowered his head. "Well, yeah," he said matter of factly. "But you could have been a little more conversational at the table, you know." He walked back towards the kitchen, his back hunched over in defeat. I almost felt sorry for him...almost.  
  
I walked back into the cold, unforgiving abyss that is my room. The feeling of pain, still hold up in it, shot through me. The pain that I had felt, just this morning, came into my heart once again. My depression overwhelmed me, throwing me down onto my knees. And as if that wasn't enough for it, the smell of stale tears began to hover about. Haunting me; taunting me; bashing my spirit against the wall, along with other items.  
  
All of my belongings once again began to levitate, slowly at first but getting faster until they were but blurs. Crashing into either the wall of my room, or each other in midair, they made loud, shattering noises back and forth. My bed started to lift up, loosening its grip on the floor, and sped towards me. Only then did I have sense enough to stop all of my emotions. Such a horrible end that would have made; an end by levitating bed.  
  
The one luxury I have in my horrific depression is my soundproof walls. The one thing that keeps the others from finding out about this; my soundless chamber.  
  
"That's enough Raven!" I shouted to myself in frustration. "Shut up!"  
  
My head pounded, I needed to calm myself down, darn it! I need some time to meditate through this! With my luck, the alarm will ring when I'm in the middle of it. I won't care if it does though...My emotions are drained.  
  
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A/N ~ So how'd ya like it? It's my first Teen Titans fan fic, so R&R to tell me what you think, alright? So what are you waiting for? Get to it!!!!!!!! (P.S. ~ I revised this, in case you're wondering. ;) 


	2. Don't Stay

Disclaimer ~ I don't own the Teen Titans, or Al Capone...obviously.  
  
A/N ~ I finally have it up! I've been getting a lot of requests to write more of this. This is actually the first angsty story I've written, so this is kind of nice. ^^ Hope you like it!  
  
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Chapter 2 - Don't Stay  
  
You know, the greatest advantage to having a soundproof room, is I can hear the other Titans outside, but they can't hear me. Sounds great, doesn't it? It's only great if you like eavesdropping on people. Personally, I despise people doing that, and I certainly don't want to be the same. Dropping in on other peoples conversations, their own, personal remarks of others. It can be just horrible.  
  
I've heard Beast Boy's remarks about me. Usually he says them to my face, which I think is most honorable of him. If you can't say something to someone's face, then you shouldn't say it behind their back. But, he has other opinions as well; everyone does.  
  
I sighed softly. "I think I've been meditating long enough," I said, levitating over to the door. I walked downstairs, my hood down now; my tears had vanished. I crept past the others whom were playing video games.   
  
Beast Boy was laying on the couch, curled up as a cat. I could tell that he was awake, and that his senses were picking up someone's presence. His ears kept twitching around in circles. It's almost cute...His ears make such small, precise movements. His green striped tail swinging back and forth behind him. His soft purring was so pleasing to the ear.  
  
I think I stood there too long, because Cyborg had already beaten the level that he had started when I came down. Yawning, he turned around to stretch, and saw me. definitely not good.  
  
"So, you finally got tired of sitting, did you?" he asked with that oh so cocky smirk. He's lucky that I'm good at controlling my emotions, or his head would be blown from the inside out right now!  
  
Beast Boy looked up in his adorable cat like state, and changed back. "And maybe you'd like to stop sneaking around, too."  
  
Oh, crap! "Did you ever think that I was just letting you sleep?" I lied, covering my face with my hood. "And just maybe I didn't want to disturb Cyborg from his games."  
  
Beast Boy was going to retort, when the alarm rang. I would have died if that conversation had gone on any longer. Especially if they had asked why I had been standing there so long...Even I don't know that.   
  
Robin rushed in with Starfire by his side. "Come on, Titans! There's a mob running around downtown!" Thank you!  
  
Beast Boy gave me a dirty look on the way out; he knew that I was lying. Stupid animal senses! If he knew what I was going through, he wouldn't be so suspicious...though, that's the point: keeping him from knowing. It's kind of ironic, isn't it? Oh well. It doesn't matter anyway. No one would care.  
  
We found the mob by some Italian restaurant. Once again: ironic, isn't it? A bunch of Italian guys by an Italian eatery. My gosh is that old! I mean, they've probably heard of Al Capone. Couldn't they be more creative?!   
  
"Eh! If ya don back off, we'll shoot!" Or at LEAST think of more lines! "Ya hear?"  
  
"Please do not shoot! We are only here to help. Maybe if you just surrender, then everything would be fine," Starfire requisitioned. That's just like her. She does that every time! And every time she gets...Oh my gosh! She's gonna get hit!  
  
"Starfire! Watch out!" I yelled, throwing myself towards her. Now, just because I'm 'emotionless' doesn't mean that I'm not conscious less you know. "Why do you do that Starfire? They try to shoot you every time."  
  
"I need to give them a chance to not get hurt if they choose, don't I?"  
  
I sighed. "No. You don't show any mercy to the enemy." I paused, studying her reaction. "Got it?"  
  
Starfire cocked her head to the side. "I think so."  
  
Beast Boy came to the side of me and put a hand on my shoulder. "We're all glad that you saved Star, but we need to catch that gangsters now." He paused, obviously making fun of my lecture to Star. "Got it?"  
  
I grunted unenthusiastically, and flew over to the gangsters get-away car. I yelled, "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!" and the engine died. It was kind of funny to watch them scramble out of the car; each of them going a different way, dropping everything in their arms. Such cowards. I saw BB moving in for the kill as a lion. After Beast Boy scared them into an alley, Cyborg grabbed some dumpsters and placed them on top of each other. That makes it easy for us.  
  
"Nice job everyone," said Robin, checking over the dumpsters to make sure that they'd hold. "Who wants to stay here to keep an eye on the criminals while the rest of us get the police?"  
  
Beast Boy jumped up and turned into a dog with his paws out. "He wants to," I said, moving away from him.  
  
"All right then. Beast Boy, you and Raven stay and guard," ordered Robin, starting to turn away.  
  
"What!" BB and I screamed in unison. "How can you leave me with that...jerk!" We pointed at each other in disgust.  
  
Robin smirked. "Easy."  
  
That dirty little...oh...oh well. What's done is done. The only thing to do is to stay as far away from Beast Boy as humanly possible while still guarding the criminals. Shouldn't be too hard.  
  
"You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" BB asked, crossing his arms ever so proudly.  
  
"I don't know," I stated plainly.  
  
He cast me a strange look and puffed up his cheeks. "Well...I'm thinking about going over there to get a pop. Then when I come back, you can get one." He paused. "You see what I'm saying?"  
  
Ah! I see says the blind man! He's smarter than he looks! "Yep."  
  
"All right then. I'll go now..." he said, walking over to the pop machine. I used my powers to hold the mobsters to the wall. Such FUN this is!  
  
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A/N ~ So...how'd ya' like it! How about this: R&R to tell me! I like getting reviews! *makes BB change into a dog to beg for me* PLEASE! (P.S. ~ Revised this too. ) 


	3. Just Sleep

Disclaimer ~ All I have is orange juice... - Translation: I don't own Teen Titans.  
  
A/N ~ Took me long enough to write just this chapter! Jeez!!! :P Anyway, I finally got some GREAT inspiration from a song, and 'Soundproof' should be coming along better now. ^^ To thank the Artists and the song that they wrote, I might use the song later for a song fic. O.o Well, enjoy this chapter!  
  
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Chapter 3 - Just Sleep  
  
Grrr...I should have meditated more. I'm getting too restless. It feels like it's been nearly an hour since the others left! Where the heck could they have gone! I don't want to be stuck with this...with this...BOY! I've been here so long that I'm running out of insults! That...is not a good sign.  
  
"Beast Boy..." I called, speaking softly for no apparent reason. "Beast Boy." I thought that he was guarding the right side of the wall...He's fallen asleep! Argh...Oh well. Can't wake him up; have to keep watch. He looks so relaxed, though...so peaceful. "That's my conclusion: we're opposites. Always different..."  
  
I floated over the blockade in the alley to check on the prisoners. Looks like they've fallen asleep too...what amateur. The least they could do is make this interesting my banging around in the corner or something. This is so boring...  
  
"Hello Raven!" Yes! It's Starfire! "Did you have fun?"  
  
I sighed, looking down at the ground. "No," I said, pointing to Beast Boy. "I didn't, at least. He might have."   
  
Cyborg was laughing at the puddle of drool that Beast Boy had collected in his absence of mind. Starfire laughed out of the amusement of Cyborg's laughing. Even Robin turned away to chuckle to himself. Quite stupid, actually. I was the only one not laughing. The whole situation was normal to me. BB's the only person that this could have happened to, so it's not a surprise. Of course, I can't just leave him to be laughed at. We may be opposites, and that I'm supposed to be 'emotionless', but I can at least empathize with him...Right?  
  
"Beast Boy," I whispered quietly into his ear, nudging his leg slightly. "Come on, I know that you don't want to be embarrassed like this...," I whispered even softer. He quivered slightly at my voice, and his eyes started to open.  
  
He looked puzzlingly at me. "What'd I do?" he asked, getting to his feet.  
  
"You fell asleep, moron!" yelled Cyborg, prancing up and down like it was some kind of a prank. "Sleepy much?"  
  
"Dude! How could I have fallen asleep, I was guarding the prisoners!"  
  
I rolled my eyes under my hood and floated off. That would have been OK under other circumstances, but BB just couldn't put a rest to it.  
  
"And you!" he yelled, pointing an accusing finger at me. "If I was sleeping, why didn't you wake me up?" Oh, here we go. Around and around, getting mad until he accuses someone else.  
  
I turned back. "Maybe I wanted to let you sleep again? If you're tired enough to take two naps, you probably need it," I suggested, taking my hood off.  
  
Everyone stopped. "Now why would you want to be nice to Beast Boy?" said Cyborg sarcastically. "You're never nice to him."  
  
"I bet that she just wanted to humiliate me!" said Beast Boy, crossing his arms in his moment.  
  
"What?" I asked boringly. "I have no need to humiliate you. You do that well enough."  
  
He morphed into a creepy looking cat and hissed at me. Kind of scary... "What's that? Just die why don't you! You have no need to be a Titan!"  
  
I remained silent. I couldn't let him know how deeply that hurt. I had to stay emotionless and quiet. 'Just die why don't you!' he said. Being a Titan is why I haven't yet, the fool! If saving people is so cruel, then I really have no need to be a Titan, do I? That dirty little bastard! Making me into the mock of the group.  
  
Starfire stepped between us with a nervous smile on her face. "Let us just go home. The police will come soon, so we have no need to guard the criminals. And maybe we can watch the TV to relax!" She clasped her hands together in joy. "Come! Let us go!" She grabbed my arm and pulled me into a run, away from Beast Boy. She just didn't want anything bloody; she's smart.  
  
We flew back to the tower and waited for the others to get here. For such a dreary day, it sure is nice out. It doesn't match the mood at all. The sun is shining, brighter than usual, and the water is so calm. You the only thing disturbing it is the fish, weaving in and out of the surface. Each like a sewing needle weaving through a piece of cloth. There's only a slight breeze, a very pleasant one at that. I hate it. All of it is too happy; everyone except the Titans is having a good day today. How pitiful.  
  
"Starfire. I'm going to my room," I said, drifting towards it, slowly. "If Beast Boy tries to come up for ANY reason, don't let him."  
  
She nodded and ran to the door to wait for the others some more. Starfire's too kind for her own good. Glad I'm not so happy all of the time, my head would explode...literally.  
  
Flying became boring, so I decided to shuffle my feet along the floor. The repetative sound of 'shoosh' comforted me a bit. The little things are so pleasant sometimes, aren't they. Just a simple sound thaws my cold and lightless heart...just pathetic. My room will take care of that feeling. Every feeling I have will be taken away. At last...sanctuary.  
  
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A/N ~ So, how'd you like it? Don't tell me now...REVIEW! I like people telling me what I did wrong, or what they want more of, OK? I accept flames from anyone who's willing, but if you don't really mean it, tell me at the end. (I don't like knowing that people ACTUALLY don't like me, you know?) 


	4. Apology

Disclaimer ~ I don't own Teen Titans. (Sorry, I'm tired of trying to find something witty to put here. ^ ^;;)  
  
A/N ~ This chapter had a bit of a request put in it. One of the people that reviewed had a pretty good idea, so I used it. You know who you are. ;) I think that this chapter was the quickest one that was ever put up. O.o I usually put more effort into it. Tell me if you like the shorter or longer types of chapters, OK? Now...READ! (And keep in mind what was up before)  
  
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Chapter 4 - Apology  
  
I've had lots of time to think about the current situation, but it doesn't seem too bad. Besides the fact that Beast Boy made me into the rat of the tower, and the fact that he, most likely, hates me, and the fact that all I can do is hold myself in my room; everything seems just fine...  
  
Amusing...he hates me, yet I don't hate him. That's usually how things work, isn't it? He completely despises me and thinks of me as nothing but a depressed girl who likes her room, and I still don't hate him. Stupid little monkey...I'm losing myself in all of this. Can't do that. Have to find a way to fix this. If I do something nice for him, maybe he'll let off a bit. Of course, I tried that back there; didn't work out too well. That's the only thing to do, though. Can't be mean. Can't ignore it all. Have to stand up...literally. My legs are numbing up now.  
  
I really DO respect him for saying what's on his mind. No one else would have done that for me. They would have left me; ignored me; let me rot in my room. I don't respect him for accusing me for something so minute. He could have just laughed about it and went on. He's not that type of person; neither am I.   
  
I walked to my door and slipped my hood over my head, again; I feel such safety under it. Before I even dared to open the door, I listened for the sound of anything. I needed to make sure that nothing got in...or out.   
  
The hall was quiet. Everyone probably left to their rooms for some reason or another. Now's a good time to meditate on the roof. It sounds so peaceful...and quiet. Ahh...AHH!!! Why's Beast Boy here?! Sigh...well now's a good a time as any to apologize...I guess.  
  
I cleared my throat abruptly; he turned around. "Hey." Oh, nice start.  
  
"Hey," he replies, obviously not wanting to talk. He looks mad.  
  
"So, what are you looking at up here?" I stepped beside him, trying to lighten the mood...That sounded funny; ME trying to lighten the mood.  
  
"The tops of the buildings," he mumbled, staring off. It was kind of a weird reply. But truly, they were beautiful. There was a bright aura around them that came from the sunset behind them. Today's just been SO nice, yet so horrible at the same time.   
  
I sighed inwardly. I think that I'm just going to have to say it. "Beast Boy, I just came up here to say that..."  
  
"You're sorry?" he interupted, crossing his arms as he glared at me.  
  
I lowered my head, not in embarassment, but in fury. How dare he try to look at me like I was going to insult him, again. That's what I get for trying to be nice, I guess. Curse that elf.  
  
"Don't push my patience," I said through gritted teeth. My fists were clenched tightly, fixing dents into my hands. It took all my power not to attack him. "I'm not happy."  
  
He narrowed his eyes all the more, almost to the point where they were closed. "You're never anything. The only time to show ANY emotion is when you're mad at me." Beast Boy tried to walk past me. After a bit he could tell that he wasn't getting anywhere; I'd mentally tied his feet to the ground. He stood dumbfounded, and a cold started to set between us. BB knew that he was in trouble.  
  
Still in my calm and monotone voice I plainly stated, "You wouldn't know anything about it...ever." I grabbed his head a consentrated on every bit of remorse and sorrow that I'd had over the day. All of my anguish and fear. All of my guilt and selfishness that I'd had to keep inside of my head; to the back where nothing survives. I didn't show anything of WHY I had these feelings, just that I did. After I was done, I slapped him. Not that girly slap that you see girls in old movies do. They just come from the side with the back of their hand. I slapped him with the front of my hand in a upward, diagonal motion. There was a long white streak acrossed his cheek. "You see?" I asked him, closing my eyes as I did. I didn't want to my eyes glossed over with tears right now.  
  
Beast Boy's pupils are dialated, and I can tell that he's been rendered utterly speechless. The cold that had been between us rose, and a breeze blew his hair past his face. At least I apologized like I wanted to...Wasn't worth all of this though.  
  
"Friends! Is something wrong?" Starfire asked, coming beside us. I think that she can sense the level of tensity in the tower. It's kind of annoying, you know? She knows too much. Either when we're too quiet, too loud, too happy...or too mad. "Come! Let us stop all of this."  
  
"Thank you. I'm not the one you should be talking to, though. Beast Boy's the one who didn't accept my apology...," I said, floating over to the door. "I'll be in my room, not that you'll need to know. You won't be coming up there." I glared daggers at both of them, just for added flare.  
  
"But Raven...," Starfire started.   
  
I finished for her...by pushing her back. She flipped backwards, landing on her butt, skidding to a stop. I think that I proved my point. Starfire didn't say another word. She just stood up and rubbed her arm gently. Starfire wasn't mad at me, but I certaintly wasn't her best friend then. She was a bit emotionally hurt, just her pride; she'll live. I could tell that Beast Boy wasn't going to say anything more. He was still standing there, almost in a zombie-like way.  
  
Why didn't I stay in my room? I don't know. Maybe my mind built up a level of guilt so high that I had to. Maybe I was lonely...Maybe I'm cracking. Well, that only means one thing: I need to stay in my room twice as long now that I've wasted so much time.  
  
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A/N ~ YOU LIKE IT BETTER NOW? HUH?! Seriously, tell me if it's better, or worse. Personally, I think I did a great job of revising this. Seriously...R&R!!!!!! 


	5. Rat

Disclaimer ~ I don't own the Teen Titans, and I don't think I ever want to. It'd be too much work, and I wouldn't have to time to write such horrible fan fictions that people can complain about, right? ^^  
  
A/N ~ If all of you had waited until THIS chapter, you might have restrained yourself from being so mad. This chapter is her reflection on her reactions, and how BAD Beast Boy feels. He didn't mean a bit of it. And I wrote most of this BEFORE all the complaints came into my inbox, all right? So I didn't make this chapter for ANY of you! Not to make up for anything!  
  
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Chapter 5 - Rat  
  
I'm really on a roll, aren't I? First I have to apologize to Beast Boy, and now Starfire...I CAN'T BELIEVE I PUSHED HER! She's always so nice to everyone, and she was only trying to help the situation. I can't believe myself. 'She'll live,' I'd thought. It's not if she lives or dies, it's that I PUSHED her! And if I go there now, they'll think that I was just being over-dramatic. And, I'll probably end up breaking down or something. I need to let go again.  
  
My head started to spin, my eyes were locked forward...wherever that was. The books slammed against the wall. Every light was burst through, holding my room in the darkness. That black veil that covers my mind...Such tranquility in such mayhem. It doesn't seem possible, does it? But this rush...it seems so human. So normal...in a way. Compared to the other Titans it's just...different. I almost feel like a druggee; coming back to my happy place for the addiction. So high, yet so low...  
  
I wish that people made crashproof rooms. Heh. That'd be cool. Children could go anywhere they wanted to without worrying about breaking all the fine glass in their parents livingroom...I'm getting off the subject. Just a little. Can't release my emotions yet. Maybe I can meditate.  
  
I have to concentrate hard. If I start to think about all the events of today, I'll get distracted again...Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos...Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos...Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos...Antirats, Heroin, Mentos...not working...Mentos...that sounds good...NO! Off the subject again. Let's see what time it is...7:00 p.m. Well, I can go to bed early...Who am I kidding? That's way too early.  
  
This is pure torture. I can't leave for fear of being laughed at, and for being feared. I HAVE to leave out of fear of dying of bordem, and for relaxation, though. I know! I'll just listen real carefully near the door to see where everyone is...OK...Starfire's in her room...Cyborg and Robin are training...and BB's...hmm...Where is he?  
  
I opened my door to see if I'd be able to sense him better. I could see but a piece of green hair around the corner. How come I didn't feel him before? Maybe he turned into a flea or something...heh. Wait...that's BAD! What if he heard...no...he can't have. It's soundproof. In your face, changling! Well, at least I still have my privacy.  
  
I tried to turn around to go back into my room, but something stopped me. An invisible something...Oh my gosh! He really DID turn into a flea!  
  
I glared burning swords into his pupils. "Do you need something, Beast Boy?" I asked in a bitter, harsh voice while gritting my teeth, trying hard not to go with my first impulse and squish him.  
  
He changed back into regular BB. "We need to talk...," he said quietly, looking down at the floor and fiddeling with his fingers. "I'm..."  
  
"Don't say that you're sorry," I interjected. "Too many times has that word, gotten me into trouble." I went partially into my door and stopped. "And no: we don't need to talk. There's nothing to be said." I left him standing there. I could feel his eyes searching my back for an explanation to why I would not except his apology. I think he knows that I just needed time, though. I can't just be OK after I attacked both him and Starfire...  
  
I waited until I heard no more of him. For any reason, I was positioned against the wall, looking to my right at the door. I winced in pain as I stepped on a piece of glass from my earlier display of emotion. Yeah...that's another thing to worry about; cleaning my room.   
  
I usually keep my room well in tact, but lately it's just been a disaster area. I have to clean this up before I do anything else. Ah...finally...something to do! Wow...this is boring, though. I'll think of a poem while I'm cleaning. Let's see...  
  
My honor...  
  
Is there such a thing?  
  
Every wrong I try to right  
  
Every apology I give  
  
Oh! That sounds nice!  
  
The rat inside me  
  
Dirty and black  
  
Insists on clawing my last bit of honesty  
  
Twisting it in ways inhuman.  
  
It needs something...hmm...Shadows always make nice touches in angst poetry. Anything to make it sound better then what it is, right? Even if I didn't feel this way...  
  
Always hiding  
  
Until they are gone  
  
In the shadows  
  
Lurking...  
  
Glad no one else can hear this. They would think I was just so over dramatic. That's what everyone is when no one understands their problem. When your consious tugs at you for doing something and you tell someone. They always think it's not a big deal...always. If only you could put them in your train of thought...Wouldn't THAT be interesting. If they ever did that, though, I'd kill them. Every last one of them for hearing in on my over dramatic life. Everything that happens to me is just the same as every single person on this planet, the only difference is that I play it into a much bigger emotion. Such a bigger level...  
  
I don't think I would have done any of that if I'd had time to think about all of it. If I had thought about how angry he was at me before, and after, then maybe I would have just shrugged it off. I definitely wouldn't have hit Starfire if I'd had time to reflect. But, you know what. I didn't have time, so I can't do anything. The only thing that seems possible is to apologize, but even THAT doesn't seem like a regular option anymore...Beast Boy won't except it. Then again, does he have any reason to?...No...I'm only a team mate; a person whom he HAS to work with. It's not because he wants to.  
  
Again; I'm glad no one can hear this.  
  
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A/N ~ Now isn't that better? Tell me if you like the title. I had another title for the chapter, so if you think the title fits, tell me. If it doesn't fit...tell me. Just R&R, OK? 


	6. Rain

Disclaimer ~ I do not own the Teen Titans, or specifically Raven. I DO own the cool metaphor that's somewhere there, though. ^^  
  
A/N ~ After the last chapter, it was kind of hard to think of anything, but after walking around outside and thinking about science, I was able to come up with something pretty cool. ^.^ Enjoy!  
  
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Chapter 6 - Rain  
  
I have to keep looking for something to do. Something to keep me here. Something to hold on to until I can forgive myself.   
  
I sat, rocking back in forth on my newly made bed, staring out my window. My cape draped over my whole body, erasing me. The high cumulonimbus clouds hovered above the city, increasing the volume of all the shadows that lingered. Telling everyone that the rain will come to wash away their day...my day.  
  
Lightning flashed quickly, attacking the shadows of the world. The thunder resounded quickly after, echoing acrossed the land. It was almost like our fight. Beast Boy being the lightning, he shot towards the negatively charged particle without thinking; attacking my heart with his words. Me being the thunder, I reacted to the lightning by rapidly breaking the combustion of air along it; taking his breath away with my emotions, or lack of to be more precise.  
  
There's always something about the rain that is so calming. Every drop of water lands pensively upon the ground, splashing almost into slow motion. The water rises like it's going to explode, and then drifts gently down to the ground. It moves with such energy and spirit, but yet, is so calm and collected.   
  
I used to be like that. I used to be so completely calm that nothing could stop me. Nothing could touch me. Why isn't it like that anymore? My energy's bouncing around inside my head, tearing holes into my brain. But...why? It can't be this way. My feelings will get mixed around with everyone else, and I won't be able to fight anyone.   
  
"Sleep!" I shouted, breaking another lamp. Wow. Who knew that there were any left.  
  
The Question: I need something to pass the time without completely boring me to death, and something that would take enough time for the others to cool off, too.   
  
The Answer: sleep.  
  
Why didn't I think of it before? Everyone does it when they can't think of anything else to do...I need a hobby or something, don't I?  
  
I sluggishly undid the button to my cape. Using my unstable powers, I threw it over to a clothes hook. Climbing under my violet sheets, I laid my head on the tear stained pillow. I struggled to pertain a comfortable position, and tossed my sheets to the side of my bed. I buried my face into my pillow to provide some kind of cool comfort, but to no avail. I threw that over the side, too.  
  
"Why's it so hot in here...," I asked myself softly, trying not to use too much energy. "It's so cold and wet outside."  
  
I propped myself up on my elbows so I could gaze at the rain again. I couldn't stand being far from it, so I got up again, not bothering to put on my cape. I neared the window and hesitantly put my hand on the cool glass, my eyes flitted from one raindrop to the next. It was cold outside. So why was I so hot? Just touching the window put a freezing sensation through my body. It felt nice, though. Only because my body was so warm, probably.  
  
There was an almost comforting glow from the sky. Not like a light, but just a feeling. It felt like a light royal blue; the color of a faded midnight sky. I want the feeling to fill my room. I want it to bring me that overwhelming comfort that comes from it. If only everyone could feel this comfort, and relax knowing that they're safe in it. This is what we all need to cradle us in our times of need.  
  
I continued to cool my hand on the window, letting my face fall into my palm. I could hear that the rain was starting to stop. It slowed gracefully, still keeping to a constant beat. You'd think that just this was enough to get me to sleep.  
  
Floating unsteadily over to my bed, I landed knees first on my bed, and eventually crashing down onto my pillow. I immediatly began thrashing around from the heat. I tried all different kinds of positions: one leg scrunched up against with the other leg out, and vise versa; one leg over the side of the bed with the other out, and vise versa; both legs up against me, which made the heat just more unbearable; both legs stretched out; on my stomach with both legs stretched strait out. The last seemed to be the most comfortable, and yet I was still struggling.  
  
Is it just me that struggles? Or do others get the same, uncomfortable, warm feeling at night?  
  
Tonight is NOT the night to get insomnia. Please, body, let me relax and drift off into my own world...  
  
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A/N ~ Review please! I'm hoping that I added better descriptions to this chapter, but that's only hope. Tell me what you think! In the meantime I'LL try to think of chapter 7... 


	7. Drowning in Blood

Disclaimer ~ I don't own the Teen Titans or anything that is even remotely related to them in this story. I don't own anything that they touched; anything that they've eaten; not even anything they've walked on. :(  
  
A/N ~ This is probably the longest chapter I've done with this story so far, but it's really not TOO long. I hope that you pay extra attention to the first part of this chapter. ^^ Enjoy! ((This is a note since I revised this. I made thee WORST MISTAKE THAT ANYONE COULD EVER MAKE!!! I counterdicted my title. V.V I'm so stupid. Well, enjoy the slightly revised chapter 7...*finds kicking bag a beats the crap out of it*))  
  
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Chapter 7 - Drowning in Blood  
  
Everything was white. Really...everything. The sky, the ground, my clothes, my skin, the people around me...the people.  
  
All of the Titans stood around me in a large circle. Each of them had a dazed look on their face, standing limply. Actually, they looked relatively normal at first glance, except for the fact that they were all colored the same. Then I realized that each was holding their heart in their left hand. There was no hole that indicated that it was their's, but by the way that each heart beated, I had a horrible feeling that it was.  
  
I said nothing. All I could do was bear the explosive impulses that corsed through my stomach. I'm not sure why I felt so. They looked perfectly fine, but the vibe I got from them felt abnormal.  
  
I could feel my heartbeat quicken, and as it did, the others picked up their pace as well. I have to admit that my nerves were wearing thin, and my fear began to rise. My hands began to shake. My legs grew unstable. And an emotion ran loose; sympathy. I wanted to share their pain, if that's what they could feel now. In truth, I was in a way. I could feel my heart ache on one side, as if the rough of my skin was rubbing against it.   
  
I could suddenly feel it in full. The intense pain of my heart having been torn out. The pain of having an empty void in place of a heart. I fell to my back in agony, pressing where the hole was in my body. There was nothing that I could do to help myself...or the others.  
  
Lack of control over my emotions usually results in things exploding. There was nothing in the area except us. No plants. No water. No lamps. No nothing. There was only us and...the hearts.  
  
"NO!"  
  
One by one, I could feel them being destroyed. I could feel it. Every time one exploded, I could feel an unexplainable pain that tugged at my nonexsistant heart. Each time the blood splattered along the perfectly white floor, the holder fell, dead before he or she hit the ground. It started with Cyborg, then Robin, Starfire, and...Beast Boy. That last one hurt worse. The guilt combined with the sympathy pains, combined with the pain I had at the start should have killed me.  
  
Silent tears ran down my face as the room slowly turned from snow white, to blood red.   
  
"I killed all of you...," I barely whispered. "I, your friend...no...your teammate, killed you..."  
  
It all evanesced at once, then. In the order that I had killed them, each left with a wispy, blue, smoke covering them. I tried as hard as I could to, at least, sit up. I only got as far as getting up on my knees before my fellow Titans were gone. Leaving the room blood stained, but taking their hearts. This was worse then seeing them die: I was with no one. Alone in a blood stained room...  
  
I stood and suddenly felt the blood at my ankles. The room was filling slowly, but fast enough to catch me off guard. I ran, but there was no where to go. Everywhere there was that horrible dark red liquid. As I ran through it, it splashed up to my thighs. I just didn't want to die in the blood of the only people who tolerate me, so I kept running. I tried to levitate to the sky, but my powers were failing me; I kept running.   
  
It was rising faster now. I struggled to swim in it. My arms would not move; my legs were stuck to the floor now. It was like having invisible cement shoes on. I lifted my head as high as possible and breathed in as much fresh air as possible. The blood around me pierced my eyes, blinding me into nothingness. But even with my eyes closed, I could see the red...all of it coming to me. There was nothing left to stand for or on.   
  
Screaming as hard as I could in the water, I knew that all hope was lost for me. All their pain and suffering just caused my own pain and suffering in return. Their spilled blood had eventually drowned me.  
  
I opened and unopened my eyes, trying to believe that this was a dream. This was too real though. I could feel it all; the burning of my eyes, the suffocation of my lungs. I screamed louder than before, even. So loud that it echoed back from something...Something was nearby!  
  
Jerking my body up, I opened my eyes. My face was glazed with sweat from my nightmare. Standing there in front of me was no one other than Beast Boy...  
  
"Raven, I know I'm not supposed to be in your room," stammered Beast Boy. "And I know that we're supposed to hate each other right now...But there was this horrible vibration throughout the tower, and no one else woke up so I thought that I'd check to see if you were OK since no one else could really make the tower shake..."  
  
How thoughtful of him. He came here to quiet me so that everyone could go to sleep.  
  
"I'm fine," I whispered, thinking about what had just happened. "Thank you."   
  
It took a while before his words finally hit me. "...You're in my room." And I'm supposed to hate you, but hey...  
  
"Uh...I said that."  
  
I got out of my bed. "So get out."  
  
Beast Boy frowned, looking unsure about what to do. Hesitantly, he turned and went to the door. He stopped.  
  
"I really don't hate you," Beast Boy said in a calm, deep, voice. "We're only 'supposed' to."  
  
He turned around and looked at me in an almost lethargic manner. His usually happy, funny, eyes were replaced with a sad, whimsical look, that shadowed his handsome teal eyes with grief. But...he was smiling. Beast Boy closed his eyes after a bit, but he was still smiling. And all I could do was stare at him. I stared at him like he was a ghost. Like he'd down something so unimaginable that it was bad.  
  
"Sleep well."  
  
"Yes."  
  
He walked slowly out the door and, without looking behind him, closed my door silently. I stared absentmindedly at it. Well, I wouldn't say that my mind was exactly 'absent' though.  
  
I suddenly had another urge to clean again. As I picked up my cold sheets that had been lying on the floor, I saw something fall on them. A shadow fell over the spot before an almost inaudible sound thumped against the sheets. Small, but so clearly there, a tear had fallen without my noticing. How is still a mystery to me, but why was so very clear.  
  
Holding on to the tears that I still felt, I collapsed into my sheets and tried with all the will in my mind to go to sleep.  
  
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A/N ~ Tell me if this is too violent, please. ^ ^;; I really wanted to make it cool, but it ended up being...this. I always reply to my reviewers if they log in or leave their e-mail. ^.^ Thanks! 


	8. Acid Oak

Disclaimer ~ Once again: I do not own Teen Titans. You know, I should actually just post one BIG disclaimer in my bio...hmm...NOT a bad idea...  
  
A/N ~ I know that this took a REALLY long time to post this, but I have a good excuse; lack of inspiration. Nothing depressing has really happened to me...Of course, I should be thankful, but still...^ ^:; Oh well. Enjoy!  
  
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Chapter 8 - Acid Oak  
  
Insomnia stinks. You stay up doing nothing, and when you eventually go to sleep after the third day, all you have are nightmares. Oh, and that's right, I've been up for three days. I keep replaying everything: the yelling, the slapping, the pushing, the drowning, the blood...Pretty violent things to be thinking about for a pacifist...  
  
The rain had been falling for the three days that I had been awake. At first it was nice. It felt like it was trying to comfort me in the sound and look of it. It changed after awhile. I felt in the pounding in my head. Millions of droplets came crashing down into the roof, through my ceiling, and into my head. The comforting was gone, the insanity had come. I could feel it closing in on me...drowning me still...Drowning me in a dead sea.  
  
I want to run downstairs and tell them that I made a mistake...but I can't. My pride clings onto my leg every time I try to escape...escape the living hell that is my room. Every time I even think about it, my fear thinks about what they would say, or what they might do. Either way, though, I need to get out.  
  
My head turned slowly to the window at my left. A crazed smile nearly rose to my face and I sat up from my bed.  
  
"I can go out the window..." I thought about it for a minute, wondering if that was the best idea. "Yes. Not like they expect me to come out for another three days, anyway."  
  
Undoing the latch on the window, I lifted it up slowly. The wind and rain suddenly decided to blow in my direction. The pounding that had once been going through the roof, into my head, was now going directly to my head. Flinching slightly while I climbed out the window, I got a good grip and floated gently, and slowly, away from the tower.  
  
I flew towards the city for a bit and turned to the tower. "I'll come back..."  
  
Flying high so not many would be able to see me, I wove in and out through the clouds. Not a nice feeling, for the smog and from the buildings, and the smoke from the cigarettes had covered the clouds in a thin, but very definite, veil of pollution.  
  
I could feel the smoke starting to enter my lungs, and there was a abrupt jerk afterwards. My coughing kept jerking my lungs back and forth when I breathed in. I quickly drifted down to the ground and started to walk towards the park, where the air's clean. THAT felt nice. I made sure to take deep, long breaths, and not to take for granted the pure air that I usually get.  
  
Lifting my foot up to start walking down the park path, I thought about the blanket of smog that had been entering the clouds up above. If memory serves, enough of that will cause acid rain to fall. So I better get out of here. Even if it's not fatal or anything, it's definitely not healthy.  
  
"Don't stain my cloak...Don't stain my cloak..." Oh my. I can't believe I'm worried about THAT.  
  
I then saw, not just the darkened sky of smog, but people all over the park that were smoking. In the alleys, which I expected, but also near ball parks and such. And everyone's cars...They're all lifting fumes up into the atmosphere...  
  
Flying level with the tops of the trees, and tried to scout out a good area to meditate. If I don't calm myself enough to meditate soon...Don't think about that.  
  
The rain...It was once so comforting to me. Why has it changed? The once spirited drops of water have changed to be slow, boring, dead. Now what is there to comfort me in the depths of the night? Now what is there to keep me from losing my sanity?  
  
Every corner seemed to be packed with people, wherever I went. Despite the still pouring acid rain, everyone seemed to be going about with their daily lives. I wanted to cry out and have someone take me to a quiet, tranquil, sanctuary where I could meditate without fear of the rain, without fear of the smoke, and without fear of fear itself. There would be no one that would ever come, though. No one would want to approach me, just because I look different. My teammates all hate me for one thing or another.   
  
You'd never guess it if you saw me on the street, or if you were talking to me, but I'm actually...I'm actually lonely. I guess always had this feeling in the pit of my heart. A horrible, jagged, moving pain that jerks my heart around. I always thought that it was something else. I never knew that I was lonely. I've always forced myself to believe that I hated the world and that I needed to be away. Always forced myself to believe that crowds were bad.  
  
Lonely for so long...Even around the team, I was lonely, though. Why is that now?  
  
I floated down near a big oak tree in the park. It's branches spread far, and the leaves almost kept me dry. When I took a closer look, though, there were many scars that this tree bore. It's branches were bent from people climbing on it. It's bark and leaves were tainted from the continued falling of the polluted rain. Though it was so worn and broken, it looked so strong, and when I looked at the statues near the buildings that were being barraged by the rain, they seemed so weak. Almost ready to break apart.   
  
Crossing my legs lethargically, I began to try and meditate.  
  
The piercing acid rain began to bite the ground more slowly. My head started to faze into nothing. My mind was finally able to rest in the pieces of the depression and hopelessness that I'd been feeling for the past eternity. If everything comes crashing down, I'll at least be able to say that it wasn't me who caused it.  
  
The falling rain that had once burned the being of this tree, finally has lost its striking, toxic burn. My serene, yet excited, drops of water had come back to me once again after all. No being on this planet will be able to take away the beauty of the rain...Of course...If the whole planet turned its back to it...yes...Then the calming sensation that takes me will be gone...  
  
My head bobbed forward, and I jerked it backwards again, my eyes wide open. They closed slowly, hesitantly. I drifted to the ground while I lost my consiousness of doing it. Meditating all the same, I became unknowing to what was around me. Such relaxation I'd forgotten about...  
  
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A/N ~ Well, that's it. ^^ Hope you liked it, though I didn't. Just review it, OK? 


	9. Flying

Disclaimer ~ I do not own Teen Titans, just the problems and emotions I've put into this story. ^ ^ v  
  
A/N ~ I know that it's taken a long time, and you're probably looking forward to this, (some of you at least. ^ ^;;) but I'm quite sure that you'll be disappointed at this chapter. It's kind of short, and there's not much here. Oh well. Why not read it anyway?   
  
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Chapter 9 - Flying  
  
Sunshine nearly blinded me when I awoke. The clouds from the storm before hand had cleared away completely, and the sun was high to the east...I can't believe that I slept that long. From yesterday evening to late morning, today. That's so awkward.  
  
There wasn't much wind, so there's not much chance that anymore clouds are going to close in. No more acid rain...but no more water rain, either. The people that were crowding the streets have disappeared. Only a few mothers and their children are here. A couple stray animals, too.  
  
If I could be like the Earth, what would I do? Part of the Earth, here, is so calm and obviously OK with everything, but in another part of the Earth, there could be a hurricane crashing onto a village. And yet another part could become buried with snow, and another scorched by the sun...but...the Earth still keeps control. How does it do it? I try, but...  
  
I closed my eyes a bit longer before I stood up. Straitening out my cape, I lifted my hood over my head and walked back to the tower. Even though they don't care about me, I still can't shurk my duties as a Teen Titan. Being depressed shouldn't affect my work.   
  
Then I remembered: I'd turned off my Titan alarm before I left the tower. They could have been fighting someone, and I wouldn't have known! They can't even track me. I HAVE been shurking my work, but didn't know it...  
  
"Why me?..."  
  
I went from walking, to running. To running, to sprinting. To sprinting, to flying towards the tower with all my being. What if they'd needed me over the past night? What'll they do when they see that I've laid aside my job?  
  
"What if nothing happened, though?" I said to myself, stopping abruptly. "What if it's all in my head? If I go there now and apologize, while they didn't have anything to do, they'll look down upon me even more. They'll know that I'd run off, whereas if I go back to my room through the window, then they won't know."  
  
Taking off my hood, I gazed up into the sky, letting the rays of sun warm my face. If everything could just take a rest and stop. If everything could be as it was under that beautiful oak tree...  
  
"I have nothing to worry about. Either I choose to keep wandering around, or choose to go back through my window."  
  
If I just keep telling myself that, everything should be fine...No. What am I doing? I keep running away from my problem...Why can't I just act more mature? Why does everyone seem to be growing and I seem to be staying at the same, moronic level that I've always been at?...Because that's the way it is.  
  
Then I suddenly had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. It pulled in all directions, spinning, turning. My guilty conscience has just turned into a guilty stomach pain...  
  
"It's my fault...Everything's my fault." I then remembered my promise. "I'll go back...I have to go back."  
  
I felt so much like crying just then. I really wanted to...but I couldn't. Either the intense sadness of my being is keeping me from it, or my subconsious is trying to resist for the good of the city...; With every teardrop that falls, comes disasters from the heavens. With every scream that calls from my mouth, thousands more come from those who have run from another disaster of some kind. In turn: no emotion equals no pain.  
  
As I floated slowly to my doom, I felt myself drifting gradually lower to the ground.  
  
"What?"  
  
As my feet touched the ground, I started to hop back up in the air, hoping to catch enough wind to make me fly. My efforts were in vain, for I knew exactly why I had been brought to the ground; without meditation, my center is off; I cannot focus. Without this center and focus, my powers are useless...I am useless.  
  
I can just see it all now; I walk into the tower. They ask how I came through the front door. I say that I snuck out. They start getting mad. I start getting mad for one reason or another. I try to go to my room. Someone stops me. I try to hit them with some object, or a couple, but with my center off I fail and make a fool of myself. They all either laugh, or take away my Titan membership. I walk the lonely streets of the city, being pointed and laughed at because of either my looks, or my status from being a Titan, to a homeless freak...  
  
My decision cannot change, though. By making that promise, I'm tied to the tower, and the Titans.  
  
Taking deep breaths, and walking in a rhythm, I tried to balance and center myself enough to float. After falling down a couple of times, I just sighed and brushed myself off. At least no one was watching me, right? That would have been more embarassing to have someone see you jumping up in the air, and landing on your back than...well, coming to the Titans Tower with no powers.  
  
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A/N ~ That's it...^ ^;; Nothing else that I could think of. Besides, I didn't want to keep you guys waiting. If I had wanted to make it any longer, it would have taken a WEEK. Anyway, thanks for reading! If you want to review, go ahead and click that BEAUTIFUL little button down there. ^.^6 Whatever. I'll try to write, but I'll probably have another horrible writer's block, so suggestions might be helpful.... 


	10. Debates

Disclaimer ~ I do not own Teen Titans or anything related to something that's not mine. But the plot is mine. NOTHING more.  
  
A/N ~ I just wanted to thank anyone who helped me with suggestions for this chapter. \m/.\m/ You guys all rock. Just the details had to be filled in, so...THANK YOU! This should be an AWESOME chapter, if I do say so myself. Part of it is kind of slow, but still pretty good. ^.^ Hope you like it!  
  
Oh, by the way. There will be two kinds of thoughts in this chapter:  
  
Raven's thoughts - "blah"  
  
Raven's sub-thoughts - 'blah'  
  
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Chapter 10 - Debates  
  
It's just one mental debate after another, isn't it? Once one ends, another arises to fill the void. Without it, the balance of my mind might actually be...balanced. Wouldn't that be something?  
  
After the little episode with the sleeping too late by the tree, I had a couple of arguments about what I should say to them when I get there, and what exact movements I should make...Anything that won't get me kicked off of the team.   
  
Despite the fact that I won't be a part of the Teen Titans, and that I don't have powers, and that I don't have anywhere else to go, there's one thing that stands above it all; the only people in the world that can tolerate me, won't be able to anymore. The only people that could have possibly been my friends, will be my enemies...or acquiantances. Whichever...There won't be anything else to live for after that. Nothing awaits me if there is no team.  
  
With what I'm going to do, settled, I began another debate. Starting question: 'Are you blowing all of this out of proportion? You're probably the only person that is thinking about this right now.'  
  
I clenched my hand in a fist. "I can't be the only person that's thinking about this! Everyone is being hurt some way or another. Starfire was pushed...Beast Boy slapped...," I whispered.  
  
'Starfire's a forgiving person, and Beast Boy probably isn't smart enough to hold a grudge.'  
  
"Beast Boy's a lot smarter than that!" A patch of ground nearby was blown upwards, and I hid behind the nearest tree, so not to be seen. After I looked around the tree, I could see that it was just some kids playing with fireworks.  
  
I could feel a blush creeping to my cheeks as I ran to the next tree. "All right. So it wasn't me."  
  
I paused to lean against a tree. "I can't believe that I was yelling at myself...That's as close to insanity as you can get." I stared into nothingness and put my hand to my forehead. "And now I'm talking to myself."  
  
Trying to walk inconspicously, I looked around. Trying even more to relax, I let my arms swing to my sides, letting them flow with the pace of my step. I had just gotten used to that when I finally came upon the tower...Or the shore acrossed from the tower.  
  
"Oh please..." I sat back on the cool grass and waited for any alternative to get over there. "I don't want to get wet right now...Well, maybe swimming to the tower wouldn't be so bad. I could clear my head a bit."  
  
Bringing the bottm part of my cloak to the top, I tied them together tightly, so they wouldn't get in my way while I was swimming.   
  
Diving in head first, I could feel the water rush through me, cleaning the stress, and dust, from my mind. I dove underwater as much as I could, moving my arms and legs in a dolphin-like motion towards the tower...I should swim more often if it feels this good.  
  
Upon reaching the shore of the tower, I began walking silently to the door. With my eyes closed, I went in, dripping from head to toe, my head bowed down. To my surprise...No one was there...Or, at least, they weren't in the living room, or kitchen. I seriously doubt that they'd be anywhere else, though.  
  
I searched the house for my team mates; the training room, the bathroom, the kitchen, living room, roof...everywhere. And I couldn't sense them anywhere near the tower.  
  
I gave a sigh of relief. "Now...What were you worried about again, Raven? This is a dream come...You know, how about we just be thankful. I came home, as I promised, and they're gone, doing something else. Never to know I was gone...hopefully." That last thought was puzzling...Oh well. I'm just going to enjoy this.  
  
Looking up to the ceiling, I remembered something...I was wet from swimming across to the tower. Maybe I'll go on the roof to sun-dry...Makes me sound like a tomato. So, untying my cloak from my hood, I grabbed a towel from the bathroom and strode to the roof.   
  
Though I feel relieved, there's a bittersweetness there; I lied. I've been so happy because I didn't get caught...but isn't that wrong? They did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment, and yet their team mate treats them so, anyway.  
  
'They might not have done anything to deserve it...but what did they do NOT to deserve it?'  
  
"I'll leave the subject to rest."  
  
'Whatever...I'd say that they expect you to do something like this.'  
  
"No...well...You know, I'm just going to relax. Is that all right?"  
  
Without waiting for an answer from myself, I laid my cloak beside me to dry while I dried, also.  
  
I crossed my legs and began trying to regain my powers back, through meditation of course. It wasn't as hard as before, thankfully. Knowing that everyone was truly gone from the tower helped me relax...Until I turned one of my other possible solutions around. What if they were fighting someone right NOW? That's even worse than if they had done so previous.  
  
Suddenly, my ears perked up to the sound of footsteps behind me. "Have a nice vacation?"  
  
Beast Boy...  
  
I turned to face him. His eyes were staring hard at me, filled with either sadness, disappointment, or anger. I can't really tell...  
  
"We've been looking for you, dude. Where have you been?" Beast Boy's face softed a little bit.  
  
"...Why does it matter?"  
  
He looked at me blankly...the same blank look that I had given him when he came to my room. Beast Boy stared at me like I was a ghost...Like I had done something so unimaginable...It made me feel so small. Not just the fact that I was sitting down, but because he hadn't said anything for quite awhile now. His stare was so penetrating, too. His piercing teal eyes felt like they were ripping into my heart for the answer to my question.  
  
I asked him again, feeling a bit uncomfortable. "Why?"  
  
Standing up, I walked over to him, picking up my cape from the ground. Beast Boy's jaw lifted up from its previous position, and his gaze stopped.  
  
"Because...You're you."  
  
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	11. Overreacting

Disclaimer I don't own Teen Titans. The things I truly own are what is my own flesh and blood. The things that no one can take away from me. Even this story isn't mine...it is my thought's story. v Sorry. Just a little poetic lines before the story...  
  
A/N Hope you enjoy this. This didn't take as long as the other chapters, really...I don't think... ;; Oh well. I really like this...kind of. At least the beginning.   
  
  
  
Chapter 11 - Overreacting  
  
Did he mean that? Did Beast Boy really mean what he just said? I don't know what he really meant, but it sounded like he thought I couldn't control myself enough to leave the tower. That all of the Titans were searching the city because my anger had been rising...because they didn't trust me. Beast Boy had thought that, based on previous incidents, I would destroy the city. I know that there's some sense to that, but I would kill myself before letting anything happen to the city that I strive so hard to protect. He should know that...Of course, he's just trying to protect the city, too. Whether it be an enemy or ally, he works to protect the city as much as I do.  
  
Looking away from him, I bit lightly to my bottom lip. "How can you say that?..."  
  
"How can I say what?" Beast Boy had such an innocent look on his face, it looked almost real.  
  
I continued to focus my gaze on something else. "Those two words could hold infinite meanings, but based upon previous events, and your attitude towards me, I doubt that it was good..." I have to stay calm. For the sake of my being, I must stay calm. "Beast Boy...I know you have good intentions, but I really think that you should think about what you say."  
  
"Dude, Raven..." Beast Boy stepped forward, as I turned away, and put his hand on my shoulder.   
  
Something about the way that he did it made me wonder if I had made a mistake. The energy from his hand, and the gentle placement was all it took to think that. Beast Boy could have held tighter to my shoulder, keeping me there to talk, but he had an intentionally loose grip to it. He was giving me space if I wanted it, but was giving me the option to talk...So why did I walk away from such acceptance?  
  
Perhaps the others wouldn't be so forgiving.  
  
"I'll be...somewhere." I walked to the door. "If you really need me, I'll have my communicator on, this time," I added, making sure that there was no mistake about communication, in the future.  
  
Beast Boy nodded, and walked to the edge of the roof.  
  
Then, suddenly, I felt a sadness that was not my own. I knew that my powers had not gotten back, so this was not the unnatural empathy that I usually could feel. Was this a normal, human, empathy? If it is, it feels so much better. Though it is sadness I now feel, it is much less than what my powers would make.   
  
I was still wet, and dirty, and I wanted some privacy. The best place to fix all of that is in the shower. Like the rain, a shower can wash away your day, and your stress...most of the time, anyway. It's very much like the rain, in that sense. Not just because they're both water, but because they can be calming, or vicious.   
  
As I let the warm sheets of water roll over me, I could feel my physical strength coming to. I was too blank to do anything but stand there. Then I thought about whether or not I could let go in my room. Even with my powers gone, I could certainly try. I needed something to cheer me up, so to speak.  
  
After another ten minutes in the shower, I dried off and draped my cloak on my head, as I had done so many times before.  
  
Though I was quite relieved from the shower, I felt uneasy. There was an awkward feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me that I should do something, as I walked to my room.  
  
My room was just as I had left it. From the few days of cleaning that I did, it seemed to sparkle. In a dark sort of way, though, if that's possible. All of my lights were out, so I had to feel my way to the window. Once I lifted the shade, though, the natural light flooded my room with all of its pureness.   
  
I lifted my arms out to my sides and tried to let the emotions roll off of my body. With my current lack of powers, it was not possible to show my emotions through mind. All that did was give me a little energy, in a way. It made me mad. Every time I thought about hitting something across the room, I started to grit my teeth together, holding back. But there is no other way to let my emotion out...There's really nothing that I can do.  
  
"Am I the only one like this? Am I the only one that seems to be overcome with mind?"  
  
'What?...You really think that? There's always going to be someone else that's in pain. You're just overreacting.'  
  
"I can't be...I CAN'T be overreacting! It certainly doesn't feel like this is nothing!"  
  
'That doesn't mean that you're not!'  
  
"True..." I thought about it for a minute. "So my emotions are nothing? All of this is happening to someone else?"  
  
'Well...Not necessarily.'  
  
"But that's what you mean...That I'm a complete drama queen and need to get a reality check. That everything that happens to me is just another part of life. That nothing about this tragedy is real?..."  
  
Furrowing my eyebrows, I gently massaged them, rubbing between my eyes. This was just too much. I KNOW that I'm not overreacting...I can't be. This feels so horrible...And the way that Beast Boy was acting...I can't be imagining it all!  
  
I brushed away a strand of hair that was sticking to my face, from the shower. As I walked to the lump of sheets that lay on my bed, I let my knees collapse, and my body fell to the mass of cloth. It felt so great...The cloth was cool, and it felt good against me skin. It made me feel a tad bit better, but looking at the whole picture, it was depressing scene.  
  
I'll never know if I'm normal or not. I'll never know if I'm truly the only one going through this, or if anyone is like me. If these rampant emotions of mine will ever be settled.  
  
The thought made me shiver uncontrollably. First my hand, then arms, then a chill went to my back...Creepy.  
  
Grabbing a handful of blanket, I hugged it and closed my eyes. It's not that I wanted to sleep or anything, but I really needed something to comfort me. The rain used to do THAT, but it's gone. I never needed comforting, anyway, before.   
  
Everything was going pretty well, up until, maybe, a week ago...Seems like it was more than a week. Well, I had that nightmare, which adds a day...Why does time do that? It keeps changing for each specific person, lengthening or shortening the person's perception of time. It's not fair...  
  
'But nothing's fair to you...'  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
'That's supposed to mean that you're completely negative! It's not a wonder that you're so depressed all the time!"  
  
I rolled off of the bed and stood up, pacing around in a circle. This feels exactly like the night I had my insomnia attack.  
  
  
  
A/N Just review and tell me if you liked it. I know that the ending's kind of lame, but tell me what you think is SPECIFICALLY lame, yeah? 


	12. Let me die

Disclaimer I do NOT own the Teen Titans, or anything related to them...Well, some comics...BUT I DIDN'T MAKE THEM!   
  
A/N I'M SORRY. I didn't want to wait so long, but I couldn't think of anything to write. I wanted to post it for so long, but it seemed too short, so I kept writing. T.T So that's my excuse...  
  
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Chapter 12 - "Let me die."  
  
I've decided to try as hard as humanly, or demonly, possible. It's not fair to me, but that doesn't mean that it should affect other's lives. I have to ignore that which bothers me so that it keeps others from being bothered. I'll act like myself...Now what's that?...I've been acting to depressed and emotionally challenged lately that I kind of forgot...  
  
That's it...I can't take it. I won't be able to hide all of this emotion, and if I can't do that, then I can't be a titan. And if I can't be a titan, I am but a halfling, wandering to my doom. I am truly dead when I cannot remember who I was.  
  
"Let me die."  
  
Walking once again from that which keeps me safe, but tormented and trapped, I headed to the roof.  
  
I knew that there was to be high winds, but that made it all better. No reason, really. Winds are just nice, sometimes. Even when they're rushing through you like a thousand arrows, it's kind of nice. Even when you're looking down to the crashing waves below the tower. When you're looking at that which will relieve you of your duties and pain.   
  
'Have you thought this through? You never should jump into things...or off of things...without thinking whether it's right.'  
  
Stupid guilty conscience. Well...that's one less thing that I'll have to worry about, now.  
  
Standing firmly on the edge of the roof, I adjusted my feet for no important reason. The wind blew my cape strait behind me as I leaned forward. Feeling even more wind slap against my face as I plummeted to the water, it really didn't feel all the different from flying to the city. Everything's the same, except that I don't have any control over anything. No control over my powers. No control over where I land. No control over these raging emotions. I'm so much more free.  
  
"I'm going to die...finally."  
  
This is what I've been waiting for, but why haven't I died? I think that I would have known when I died, so where is that time?  
  
...No. I'm not falling any longer. I'm going back up to the roof. And what of those beautiful teal eyes stabbing my heart? Where did they come from?   
  
"Sorry. I couldn't help but notice that you weren't flying back up, and I thought that I should probably come and catch you."  
  
I stared longingly at the violently crashing water below us. "Now why would you do that?"  
  
Beast Boy didn't answer me. He just closed his eyes and sighed. Beast Boy has such a serious face when he does get serious...It's kind of interesting to watch. I mean...he was always to jocular, wherever we went. Whether it was in battle, during a movie, or...anywhere. Either way, of course, he's himself. I know that when he's doing something stupid, which really makes him seem immature, he's just trying to make me laugh.   
  
Closing my eyes, as well, I felt him set me gently on the cold stone rooftop. The thump of his feet walking towards me, and my own heavy breathing were the only sounds that I could hear. It made me nervous to think about it. His footsteps echoed in my mind, though I knew that they shouldn't.  
  
"...What the hell were you thinking? Why in the world would you want to jump off the tower?!"  
  
I stood up slowly, trying to gain more balance. "I'd hope that it was obvious."  
  
"Well, I'm sorry, but it isn't," he said, his voice cracking ever so slightly. "Please..." Beast Boy brought his hand up to meet my shoulder. It felt so full of warmth. And it looked to me as though his eyes were about to break in half if I didn't do anything...  
  
I reached up to touch his hand. "Do you know how it feels? Not knowing whether you're tolerable or not? Or whether you'll be able to control yourself enough to get through your everyday life?  
  
"I have to watch every move that I make, to make sure that no one gets hurt. I moniter myself, and try as hard as possible, for me, to act 'normal'. But I never know if I'm actually normal, or if I'm just another Drama Queen. If I'm just...me." I stopped. Being reminded of what he had said earlier...That doesn't feel nice.  
  
"Raven...Everyone has their own crap that they have to go through. You're not the only one suffering." Beast Boy's expression became dark. "Don't make your problems worse than they are."  
  
"My problems can't get any worse. So, I wouldn't be able to make them seem any worse."  
  
His hand slid down the side of my arm, and I felt a warm shiver sprint to that spot. "Anyone can make a situation seem worse. It's not just you." Beast Boy looked to the side, his eyes distant. "Even I do it."  
  
I don't care if you do it...I KNOW that nothing's worse than feeling untrustworthy, and you cannot convince me otherwise.  
  
My eyes narrowed, and I could feel my arm growing tense. "But at least you have hope. Hope for that your situation will get better. Me...That will not happen," I said, whipping my arm from his grasp. "Let me end my suffering."  
  
Beast Boy snatched my arm back into his hand, and pulled me to him. Our faces inches away, he glared strait into my burning, raging, pupils. His eyes were almost glazed over, and I couldn't tell whether he about to yell, or about to cry...Turns out that it was neither, though.  
  
"What makes you say that? I know that you wouldn't be so stupid."  
  
Biting my lip, I twisted out of his hands once again and jumped backwards. I could feel my eyes burning...Not just metaphorically, but actually hurting, and stinging. This feeling...is like when I explode. When I let go of my hidden emotions and release them unto my room...That always felt so good though. What makes this any different?  
  
...Maybe I am stupid. I can't tell the difference between emotions any more.  
  
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A/N Well, there's the crap that I wrote. Sitting in front of you, rotting and dying...Hope you liked it! v I truly worked very hard to not make it too emotional, but still making emotional, you know?...Like, not making it...Oh, forget it! Just review! 


	13. Hold On

Disclaimer I do not own the Teen Titans, or the song Hold on, by Good Charlotte. I own the arrangement of them all in my story, though. 

A/N I truly hope that all of you like this chapter. This would be the second time I've attempted a song fic, so I hope it's significantly better than my first. ;; That wasn't too good...Anyway, I like this song, and I thought that it fit perfectly with the story. In fact, this is the song that first inspired 'Soundproof'. v Just wanted to put this in, since I owe a lot to this song. Again, I hope you like it. 

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**Chapter 13 - Hold On**

"Why do you care so much? You know that I wouldn't be stupid, but maybe I want to...Maybe you should just let me this time." 

Beast Boy's left hand was clenched into a fist, and his head was down, so I couldn't see his facial expression. "I just do, OK? Why do I need a reason to care?" He looked up. His eyes so full of worry that I could have died...The same concern that was surrounding him when he had talked to me before, outside my room. "If I can prevent you from doing something stupid...something that can change your life, or death, then I'll do it. I'll make sure that nothing happens..."   
  
_This world,  
This world is cold  
But you don't,  
You don't have to go_

He had me there. There was absolutely nothing that I could say to comeback. So solid, he is...But nothing can beat determination. And I'm sure that my determination is stronger. Besides, he's just saying all of this because it's the right thing to do, not because he wants to...I think. 

By this time, my hands had loosened from fists, to separated palms, slowly desending to my sides. I looked strait ahead at him, but my eyes wandered about him. Anywhere but his eyes... 

Those eyes...Why do those eyes make me fall? Pushing my heart up and down. Creating a full circulation of all emotions. I falter when he looks at me. Beast Boy looks so understanding, and geniunely caring. I want to believe that he's telling the truth...but he'll not forgive me. Even I'll not forgive myself, so I can't expect him to.   
  
_You're feeling sad  
You're feeling lonely  
And no one seems to care_

"Raven..." 

Don't say my name...Please. Don't say my name. 

Though I can tell exactly what I did, I certainly cannot say that I was thinking about it...at all. My mind was in the past. Back in that sleepless room of despair. Back on this very rooftop not too long ago. Back to just outside my door. Back to my nightmares filled with screams of the dead and dying...My mind was there. 

In one swift motion, I bent my legs back, and looked over the edge of the tower, waiting for Beast Boy to run to me. As he morphed into a cheetah, as I expected, apparently, I threw my weight forward. I spread my arms apart, and jumped as hard I could to meet my feet with his back. In doing this, I jumped to the side and ran. Sprinting as fast as my will could handle, I looked behind me to find that Beast Boy was still in confusion.   
  
_You're mother's gone and your father hits you  
This pain you cannot bare  
But we all bleed the same way as you do  
And we all have the same things to go thru_

Changing from the long, smooth strides that I had previously been using, I slowed down. Sliding my feet around so that my back faced the edge of the tower, I slowly closed my eyes and let my body fall backwards. 

Falling...Falling...My arms were limp, and floating upwards from the force. And slowly I started to feel my body turning itself over. My cloak was trying desperately to tear from my body and float to safety. It kind of felt like everything was telling me to go back and try again to fix stuff...Heh. 

_'Get back up there right now!'_

Moron...I CAN'T! I can't fly anymore, remember? 

_'Don't do this! You're acting like such a child...'_

How am I a child? I'm helping everyone, and everything, by doing this. 

_'Oh. So, since things start to get a little rough, you start to get down on yourself, then you just say, "Hey, I should kill myself!". Well, you know, it doesn't work like that! Everyone goes through their hard times, and you're not gonna be any exception. The only difference, is that other people handle it a heck of a lot better than you!'_

That's just another reason for me to die...   
  
_Hold on...  
If you feel like letting go  
Hold on...  
It gets better than you know_

_'...darn.'_

Opening my eyes, I tried to turn myself over to look upward. There was a small green head lunging out from the edge of the roof. Beast Boy's face looked pale, even from here...Kind of a pea green, if I may. Not that I'm in a situation to be thinking about colors. 

He was yelling something, though I couldn't hear it. And I felt something land in the palm of my hand. Making a barely audible thump against my skin, it rose and fell until it stayed firm in my palm. Wet, it was. Like the rain that had comforted me through those long nights...but also like the acid that had haunted the city, and burned the old oak. Like the water between shores, that I swam. 

Clasping it tightly in my hand, I knew what it had to be...tears...As hot and salty as they were back in my room.   
  
_Your days you say they're way too long  
And your nights you can't sleep at all...hold on  
And you're not sure what you're waiting for  
But you don't want to no more_

"I don't really hate you." That's what he had said to be before he left. How could I have forgotten? 

My conscience...She had said that I shouldn't do this. Well, isn't that just another part of my mind? Was I really serious about jumping down to those rocks?...Those boulders right below me? No...I just wanted to believe that I was worthless. And now someone's in pain... 

As my vision came into focus, I could see clearly that Beast Boy had jumped from the rooftop. He was diving down to rescue me...And now everyone's in pain. I never wanted this to happen! I just wanted it to be quick and painless...Not thoughts and regrets. No one jumping to their doom after me. Nothing!...But what can I do. I knew before I leaned back into the air that my powers were gone. 

I don't deserve this...I mean, I do deserve this humility, this ache, but I don't deserve this kindness. I know that I'm a bad person, so Beast Boy doesn't have to do anything for me. That's why I need to die. Because I'm receiving undeserved, unconditional love...No. I think I'm just obsessed with death. First it was because I felt unwanted, and now it's because I feel wanted, but don't think I deserve it...That's a pretty good indication that I'm insane.   
  
_And you're not sure what you're looking for  
But you don't want to no more  
And we all bleed the same way as you do  
And we all have the same things to go thru_

"Don't die. Don't die. Don't die. Don't die. Don't die...," Beast Boy whispered as he came closer and closer to me. His hand was outstretched, his face still wet from tears. "I want you to stay." 

Beast Boy...He really understands. He's waiting for me to take his hand, rather than he himself grabbing mine...And he wants me here. Now that he's giving me the option, of leaving, it doesn't really seem right to...I can't. 

_'So...what are you waiting for? I know you wanna grab his hand.'_   
  
_Hold on...  
If you feel like letting go  
Hold on...  
It gets better than you know_

I do... 

_'...So...What do we do now, Raven?'_

Die. I'm scared as heck, and can't think. 

_'...That's bad. You know that, right?!'_

There's nothing I can do, now...I keep wanting let him hold me, and fly me to safety. Nothing I can do will keep me alive long enough to do that, though. I'm just too scared.   
  
_Don't stop looking you're one step closer  
Don't stop searching it's not over  
...Hold on..._

"Please, Raven," Beast Boy said, trying to stretch his arm out. "Don't be afraid. I'm here." 

"...Of course." 

Grabbing his hand, he pulled me up to him and wrapped his arms around me. I was slightly taken aback by this, but I quickly regained my senses and did the same. We just floated there wrapped up in each other...falling. 

_'You're still falling!'_

Beast Boy wasn't paying attention to what his conscience was saying, I assume, because he was still sobbing with happiness. He's probably the only person to help us out of this situation. I mean, he can fly...but not if he's not paying attention.   
  
_What are you looking for?  
What are you waiting for?  
Do you know what you're doing to me  
Go ahead  
What are you waiting for?_

I can't have us both die for my own stupidity. I can't let BB die, at least. 

The sun was slowly setting as we fell. Our own descending bodies seemed to cause the sun to crawl under the sky. A deeper red it became as it fell. Blood red against a darkening sky. Like the blood that could have been spilled. Like the heart that lives and breathes today for this boy...The one who pulled me away from myself and held tight to the sanity that I still had, even when I had long ago let go. 

Pushing Beast Boy away for only a split second, I pulled him to my left. He gave me a confused look. The kind of look that someone gives you when they wake up from a dream; dazed, looking for the answer to where and why you awakened them. As I held his hand I started to blush, but knew that I had something else to do.   
  
_Hold on...  
If you feeling like letting go  
Hold on...  
It gets better than you know_

"My turn. I've yet to do anything useful," I whispered to him, trying to smile. "Hold on..." 

I was going to summon all of the strength that I could control, and try to levitate us or, at least, slow our fall. This required...an absolute miracle. I have to meditate every day to keep my emotions and powers in check, so what would happen after no control over anything for longer than that? Chaos. Pain. Anything bad, basically. I've certainly never dared to try it until now. Not that I tried to to do that, of course. 

_'But you're the one who said that determination is stronger than anything else,'_ my conscience reminded me. 

True...but...   
  
_Don't stop looking you're one step closer  
Don't stop searching it's not over_

Unintentionally, I turned my head over to Beast Boy. I expected at least a bit of worry to overcome him. To my surprise, though, he was completely calm. Beast Boy had his eyes closed, and he was smiling. The exact opposite of what I was. Soaking in the moment and not worrying...Though this is kind of an awkward time to be doing that, I think that sounds like a good idea. 

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos...Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos...Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos...," I chanted, relaxing myself to the point where it would do some good. I'd normally be getting frustrated trying, at this point, but trying too hard won't help my mental stability.   
  
_Hold on...  
If you feel like letting go  
Hold on...  
It gets better than you know_

Squeezing his hand for what might be the last time, I relaxed and let myself go limp, trying to sustain all my energy and consentration. 

The was down, and I could no longer see Beast Boy or the tower with the rising of the new moon. The last light came from atop the surface of the water, that seemed to be hungry for our blood below us. There was a very subtle mist around the two of us, from what I could feel, so a chill ran through my nerves as I continued to chant. 

Beast Boy sighed audibly beside me. "Raven," he spoke, letting the words roll off his tongue. "You're so amazing. I hope we don't die so that we can talk some more. Not angry, but like before." 

All I can remember is the rush that welled up in my chest and face at that moment. 

_....Hold on..._

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A/N Whoa...I actually like this chapter...kind of. Oh, by the way, this is not the end. I still have at least ONE more chapter. Wouldn't want you all to get riled up about this being the end. I'll make it definite. Anyway, better R&R if you want to let me know what you thought. This was the song that I've always wanted to work into this, so this was really fun to write. Hope it was fun to read! 


	14. Content

Disclaimer - After fourteen hard earned chapters, I still don't own the Teen Titans?...Aww...Bummer... A/N - There are so many times that I've wanted to just keep this story going. I've wanted to create new problems so that it would never end...But I can't. I know that I have to end this, and this is the chapter that it's ending. Some of you may know that I almost lost this story, then regained it. I never knew how much it meant to me until I lost it. I cried my soul out into my pillow that day, and when I found it...I did the same thing. This is the most important thing in the world to me right now, and I'm hoping with all my heart that I didn't mess it up. Enjoy... VvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvV 

**Chapter 14 - Content**

_'Did we die?'_

I...don't think so. I can feel Beast Boy's hand, and I'm pretty sure that you can't feel when you're dead... 

_'Heheh...'_

What's so amusing, my dear conscience? 

_'Look beside you.'_

I gingerly turned my head to where my conscience somehow pointed, and laid my head to its side. There was Beast Boy...All his imperfection made him seem angelic, somehow. His arms swinging loosely to his sides as he slept in the chair next to my bed, mouth open, but breathing through his nose. Pajamas of cotton with white rabbits on them...He must be so exhausted after that whole entourage. 

Trying to prop myself up, I found that I could barely lift my arms to place my palms on the bed. All I could do was hold Beast Boy's hand for comfort...That's probably better, anyway. He's sleeping, and I wouldn't want to wake him up. 

Beast Boy started to stir as I was lost in my thoughts. He gave a little moan at first. You know, the kind that you make when you don't really want to get up, but know that you have to. Like that, except a little more patient. When he started to started to step onto the carpet of my room, I let go of his hand, reluctantly. Maybe I'd been holding it too hard. 

With his slippers to stretch, and still did not notice that I was awake. That's expected, though. I can't really move much. 

The light was shining in across his face, and through the dust that had collected in the air. Darkness gathered around the light that shone through, and shadowed anything it could. It was hiding from the light. It was afraid of what it might do. I've never seen the darkness like that before. 

Beast Boy looked a little pale, and he had dark rings under his eyes. Like the inside of his eye had switched places with the outside, almost. That would have been really beautiful if he didn't look so tired...I wonder how much sleep he got? Or how much I got for that matter, yes? 

"Hey...," I cooed softly to him. "You should just sleep." 

His ears perked up. Suddenly waking, Beast Boy turned his head to look at me. His eyes were glazed over, and I couldn't help but notice that his knees dropped slightly at the sound of my voice. He ran as fast as he could in the short distance from where he stood to my bed, propping me up into an upright position. I didn't really have any control over my body, so my head flopped behind me. 

"Uh...Sorry, Raven," said Beast Boy, fumbling to get my head strait. "Oh man...I'm so glad that you're awake." 

I closed my eyes and gave a sigh of relief. "You're not alone, Beast Boy. I'm glad to be awake...And to be awakened with you near me." 

He blushed intensely, and there was a few seconds of silence between us. He was looking strait into my eyes, and I could almost feel his soul being projected into my heart. My face was starting to get hot, too, and I could feel my cheeks betting red, until he spoke up. 

He put his hand behind his head, the other one holding mine. "I just couldn't leave you unconsious after all of that. What if you woke up and didn't know where you were, or who you were? What if you'd woken up without knowing who I was?...Or what had happened?" Beast Boy paused to catch his labored breath. "I'd die, Raven." 

"You almost did, before, but that's not the point. I didn't forget, and I don't think that even memory loss would keep me from you. Let's not worry about it." 

_'Heh...Look who's talking little Miss "I'm gonna worry myself to death".'_

Oh, shut up. 

Beast Boy's handsome, furrowed brow finally rested, and he smiled off towards the window. "Wanna go for a walk?" 

"But I can't..." 

Beast Boy interupted me and said, "I'll carry you. By 'walk', I meant that I'd be walking." He smiled with content and kind of laughed. 

Embarassed by both my inability to move, and by the fact that he even offered to carry me, my ears started to get warm. Along with blushing, my ears can get red at times. Beast Boy noticed, and chuckled a little. "OK..." I whispered, letting him pick me up and hold me between his arms. 

Resting my head against his arm, I could feel each of his careful steps as he walked down the stairs. I could hear the going-ons of Cyborg, Starfire, and Robin. It sounded like Cyborg was rummaging around through the living room to find the remote while Starfire was talking to Robin about her experience at the book store. Robin, naturally, was listening and making small comments about whatever Starfire was talking about. 

Silence...That's weird...Oh. Wait. We entered the room. THAT would explain it. 

"Beast Boy! Do you know where...?" Cyborg stopped mid-sentence. He must not have been paying attention. "Uh...Nevermind. I'll find it." 

"Raven! You are unharmed! You..." From what I could tell, Robin must have stopped Starfire. 

His footsteps patted against the carpeted floor. "We'll talk to you two later, then." You could just hear the smile in his voice. 

Beast Boy kept walking out the door. Then I suddenly felt lifted...I guess that makes sense, though. We live on an island, so we have to fly or swim to get off. 

Being in that soundproofed room did something to me. Hearing nothing beyond my own thoughts, having no one to listen to me inside my self-made prison...that made me cold. All I could do was think about what was shut up inside myself, and I thought that what I saw there was bad. I thought that nothing was worse, and when I looked, I saw that nothing was...But even so. If I'm the most vile, crazy being on this planet, that must be all right. I have these people with me. I have these friends, and this Beast Boy. If I'm the worst, and they think that's OK, then it must be. 

"Raven?" 

"Uh hm?..." 

Kissing me gently on the forehead he whispered back, "I'm gonna try and trust you more from now on, all right?" 

I smiled. "If you want to." 

A crash was heard in the distance, and a splash was made in the water as we landed in the park. I blushed, knowing that my powers must be back. That's too bad...Oh well. It figures that my mental strength would be back before my physical. 

Beast Boy laughed, knowing what I was thinking. "Don't worry about that. It'll just give those fishermen a better chance to catch something today." 

He set me down gently under a tree, and I smiled at his joke. "Sure..." 

I looked up to find that the tree I was now lying under was the very tree that had saved me from the acid rain. The very tree that stood taller, spread farther, and grew stronger than any other living thing. The tree that took me under its branches for rest. Any scratches or bites from the acid were wearing themselves away, and the oak was slowly healing itself and recovering. 

"I wish I was like this tree..." I mumbled aloud as Beast Boy himself started to lie down next to me. 

Sighing and putting his hands behind his head, he looked up into the clouds and laughed. "Raven...You have no idea how truly alike you are to this tree." Can he read my thoughts? "I was there the day that you came here in the acid rain, and you are very much like this tree." 

I turned my head to meet his and looked at him. "You...um..." 

"Sorry, but I was worried about you." 

We stared at each other in a comfortable silence for quite awhile. That's not common for any of the Titans. 

"Even with that soundproof room, your intent couldn't have been clearer after that day, you know. Anyone would have done the same thing." He explained, ending the quiet that I had grown tired of. "Luckily, your room couldn't hide everything." 

As the wind blew across my face, I finally was able to realize it. Knowing nothing beyond my room, I wasn't able to, but this boy knew it all along. This boy whom saved us both from death. 

I turned my attention to the sky and moved my hand towards his. "You've never been more correct." VvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvVvV A/N - That's all of it. There's nothing more of this story that's to be said by me. I enourage you to review this chapter, and if you haven't already, the rest of my story... 


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